Living with & Loving a Dog with Behavior Concerns

When we bring home a cute, little puppy, a lanky, gangly teenager, or a mature, adult dog, we often have visions of taking them on long walks, cuddling on the couch with the family for movie night, and maybe even visiting beer gardens, coffee shops, and the farmer's market. I've met with clients who anticipated having an emotional support animal for themselves or a therapy dog for others; clients who wanted help getting outside and getting active again; and clients who have brought home a canine friend for comfort after a loss.

There's a lot out there to support these dreams and visions of pet pawrenthood, too. Friends, family members, neighbors, strangers out and about, movies/TV shows, and usernames you encounter on social media site often make it sound as though being a pet pawrent should be easy and joyful and everything I've already described.

Sometimes, though, what we picture in our heads isn't what we end up having with the dog in front of us. Rarely do we add to the family, anticipating a dog with behavior concerns. Instead of the sweet, loving, cuddly family dog you expected to bring home, you have someone or something....different. You might find yourself struggling with resource guarding, reactive behavior on walks, stranger-danger with guests entering the home, separation anxiety, sensitivity to loud noises, the list goes on and on. With each of these behavior concerns mentioned, you may find there are some big changes you have to make to your life and environment.

You may be limited in who you can have over to your house (if you even feel safe or comfortable having folks over).

Daisy (right) and Duke (left), two dogs who struggle with the scary stuff life has to offer

Going for walks in your neighborhood may leave you feeling frustrated, angry, and even embarrassed.

You may even have had to budget extra time into those walks for just in case you run into something unexpected.

You may feel like your head has to constantly be on a swivel if your dog's behavior makes it necessary to be vigilant and aware of your surroundings.

You may have to "decorate" your house with baby gates and playpens that clash with the overall vibe you were hoping it would exude.

Your patience will be tested and buttons you didn't even know you had pushed. And you might have to grieve a little (or a lot) for the life you thought you'd have with your dog when you brought them home. Living with and loving a dog with behavior concerns may mean acknowledging that some things may not be possible for you and your dog or they may not be possible yet.

And that's a tough, isolating, exasperating, frustrating (insert all the adjectives here) pill to swallow. Unfortunately, it's impossible for us as trainers/behavior consultants to make any guarantees about your dog's behavior and the "prognosis" for what life will look like some day. But....if you've read this far, can I ask that we try to reframe things a little? If we can do so, we might see that living with and loving a dog with behavior concerns can have some silver linings.

Chester, a dog who learned in Home School recently that a chin rest gives him lots of agency during various vet procedures and handling!

Your dog may teach you how to slow down, notice the little things, and be in the "now" with them.

Your dog can teach you patience, empathy, compassion, and appreciation for some of the smallest things you may not have even considered before.

You may be able to learn how to advocate for your dog - and for yourself - by setting firm boundaries, knowing what works and what doesn't for the two of you, and putting their needs above others' opinions.

You have a chance to build such a beautiful bond with someone who doesn't even speak the same language as you.

And you have a chance to make new goals, create a new picture of what your life together could look like, and open doors for your dog and yourself that you may not have known existed previously.

As someone who has a dog (Ruby) with some complicated feelings about the outside world (and the inside world) at times and over the years, I joke that my husband and I earned an "easy" dog like June, our second dog and who is often on the other end of the spectrum from Ruby behaviorally. I can confidently say, though, that I wouldn't be the person or the trainer I am today without Ruby, the work we've done together over the years, or what she has taught me. Living with and loving a dog with difficult behavior isn't always easy, but it can be so, so worth it and you're absolutely not alone. Please feel free reach out if you have questions, are struggling with some of your dogs behaviors, or just need a listening ear (attached to someone who "gets it")!

My Ruby, enjoying a recent hike where she got to sniff all the sniffs and could do so without the pressure of saying Hi to other people and dogs!

Note: I definitely want to mention that this blog post is most for the folks who are choosing (sometimes daily) to keep a dog and that dog's behavior concerns in their home. These folks have the time, energy, and resources (financial resources and a support system that may include family, friends, neighbors, pet sitter(s)/dog walker(s), a trainer or behavior consultant, etc.) to safely keep the dog in their home.

An entirely different conversation is needed if a dog is unsafe to themselves, the humans of the household, or the public, or if someone feels too out of their depth with the type or severity of behavior concerns their dog is displaying. We're able and happy to help anyone navigate - without judgment - the available options for their situation if either of those conditions (or others) apply.